gotgreenmagic | 86

86 - Voice

[This was going to be Inmate filtered and then she realised she didn't care.]

I'll be in the gym most of today if anybody wants to fight. Spar. Whatever.

[She means fight. Go unhealthy coping mechanisms!]

[Private to Prefect]

Drink?

[Private to Mozenrath]

Hey.

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All right, Sister! I'll see you shortly

[And sure enough, Prefect will have two glasses of Gin set out for when she gets there!]

[It's a gigantic relief to go see Prefect. They've been friends for ages, they hate all the same people, she would have gone to see him a while ago except it's taken a while to untangle Other Shego's opinion on Other Prefect from her own thoughts. She taps on the door of his cabin, calling through it.]

It's me, Comrade.

[Prefect answers the door, and offers Shego a rueful little smile. He's... honestly, been pretty emotionally exhausted himself, what with the ridiculous mess that he's had to deal with with Barron, O'Brien, and Beatty over the last few weeks. He's still happy to see her though, and he steps aside quickly to let her past.]

Sister. It's good to see you.

[Shego smiles, and it feels like a long time since she has smiled without a lot of sarcasm or alcohol propping it up. She steps past him into a cabin that looks reassuringly like it always does.]

Hey, Prefect. How's it going?

[Prefect shrugs, taking a little breath as he does so.]

Stressful. [Not that he's not smiling as he says this. It really is nice to talk to someone who isn't as... unerringly difficult as Barron or O'Brien.] I mean, you know, it's the Barge. How about with you?

I dumped my boyfriend on our first anniversary while he couldn't get more than five feet away from me. [She takes one of the glasses of gin, finds a box sturdy enough to support her weight and sits down on it.] Oh, and I've started out my third year on the Barge as of the end of last month. So that's all just great.

[Prefect follows Shego, refilling her glass without waiting to be asked, and sits opposite her, clearly digesting this information.]

Well...[He begins, carefully,] He does sometimes seem to actually like Sylar, so you probably made the right choice.

[He'd been really good at not dissing Sylar lately, but... Shego was probably upset and it was a good port of call for them. He looked up then, his expression restrained, but earnest,] Are you all right?

[Shego gives an unusually dry, bitter laugh at the mention of Sylar, calming only when Prefect asks about her.]

No. No, I....haven't been alright for a while. [She swirls her gin around in its glass.] But it's, I dunno, a manageable level of 'not alright'. That's what counts, right?

[Prefect frowns a little bit.] Well... I don't know, Sister. I think being consistently not alright might be something you want to try and avoid. [He looks down into his gin, his forehead knitting.] What happened? I mean... it feels like it's been forever since we talked, so pretty much any of the things that have happened that contributed to the not alrightness are okay for an answer to that. You can just pick your favorite and go with that one.

Ugh. One thing? [She frowned and sipped at her drink.] When you were an Inmate, did you ever think you were getting better in some ways but worse in others, and overall nothing's changing? And then you realize you're not really getting better.

[Prefect frowned, considering this.] I don't know, Sister. When I was an inmate I tried extremely hard not to let anything compromise me, but remaining as I was here was completely impossible, so... I don't know if I was getting better, but I don't think I was ever disappointed by the realization that I wasn't.

[Shego pulled a face.] I'm not disappointed. I'm just....I dunno how I feel now. About anything. Maybe that's why I'm not okay.

[Prefect crossed his legs a little and took a drink of his gin, thinking hard.] Do you know what you want, Sister? Maybe you're partly feeling like this because you're directionless right now.

[She's quiet for a while, because it's a good question and warrants some time to mull over.]

No. I don't. But that's not new. I haven't known what I wanted since I wound up here two years ago.

[Maybe even before then, if she's going to be honest with herself.]

Well, maybe that's something that's changed about you, Sister. Maybe not really having anything to want, or to aspire to, isn't good enough anymore.

[He gives a little shrug, then frowns.] I mean, you've been here for years, it seems like you should get some kind of return from that, but if there's nothing you want, then it's probably hard to get any satisfaction out of what you end up with.

[She considers this. It's true; it's been true since she realised Drakken was an idiot but decided to stay on his payroll anyway. She knows Prefect is smart, yet it always feels like it's coming out of left field when he says something genuinely insightful. She half-drains her glass.]

At home I just wanted to be the best at what I did. I wanted people to have some respect for that, y'know? But, that's never been all that practical here.

Well... maybe you should think about why you wanted that? Like, why did you first go into what you were doing? [Prefect suggests:] I mean, Sister, you're physically capable, you're unpretentious, and you're more astute than most of the wardens and all of the inmates here... [Honestly probably all of the wardens too, but he's not gonna say that.] ...If you could figure out what you wanted, then... well, you could almost certainly achieve it.

[Shego puts her glass down and drums her fingernails against the side of the box for a moment. Feeling impotent and borderline-depressed for as long as she has hasn't done her ego any favours, but she is physically capable and unpretentious and astute. In most of the ways that count, she's still the person she was two years ago. With everything she's learnt, she's probably more competent now.

Really, Prefect's words are a drop of grease on wheels that haven't been turning in her head for a long time. Her tone is very, very neutral.]

You're not just saying that?

[Prefect gives a little shrug.] It's pretty obvious, Sister.

[Shego smiles at him.]

...Thanks. That helps. You're a decent warden, Comrade.

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86 - Voice

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