110 - Video

[gotgreenmagic]

[Bobbi's sitting in an armchair in one of the common room sets with a laptop balanced on her knees. She's holding/wearing two hand puppets of Dick and Tim; she's been getting these from a fan for a while and has puppets of pretty much everyone she interacts with regularly. This sort of thing.]

Good evening, children! Tonight's bedtime story comes courtesy of.... [She glances down to her laptop.] ....AdmiralsAngel69. How very 'late 90s generic screenname' of you. She would like us all to know that 'y'all know dirk is my OTP, open parentheses, dat bitch Shego still needs to die ell oh ell, close parentheses, but this scene was so adorbs I couldn't resist'.

And we're all grateful for that insight. Tonight's choice is called 'A Midnight Encounter' and takes place after the dream arc, which I can guarantee the fandom treated with all the class and dignity it warranted.

[She clears her throat.]

Let's begin.

[And you'd better believe she acts out the parts with the puppets and kinda does the voices.]

'Tim's heart was rushing like a freight train when he woke up, he didn't know if he was awake or still dreaming as he went to answer the door. But when Dick hugged him he knew he had to be awake, because it felt better than it ever could in his dreams.'

D'awww.

'"Don't ever do that again," Dick said angrily, not letting go.

'"Answer the door?" Tim asked. He put his hands on Dick's back, his skin was warm and he could feel his heart beating slowly like a drum. It was disappointing when Dick pulled away.

'"What do you remember?"

'"I was dreaming," Tim whispered softly. He let Dick into his cabin.

'"We've all been dream sharing," Dick stated. "For about a week. No one's sure how or why, but Ariadne suspected it, and I guess Buffy confirmed it. Dean just told me. What do you remember?"

'Tim covered his face with his hands. He was ashamed of his other dreams about Dick. He didn't want to say anything in case he mentioned the wrong kind of dream by mistake.

'"The other me was going to shoot you. So I stopped him."

'Dick looked awful. "You seriously think I'd be fine and just move on with my life like nothing had happened if something ever happened to you?"

And then canon got boring apparently.

'"Of course I don't," Tim mumbled. "You're my brother. I love you." But he hurt inside because Dick would never know how much.

"I love you too, bro."

'"I-I just don't want to go back to sleep by myself, Dick," Tim confessed nervously. There were tears hanging on his blue eyes, like dew drops on roses. "Would you st-stay with me tonight?"

'"I can do one better than that, little bro," Dick replied, smiling lovingly. "I can help you sleep."

"What do you mean?" Tim asked confusedly. He had never done anything with Shego or any of his girlfriends before the Barge.'

Sure he didn't.

'"I mean I can wear you out," Dick asserted, taking Tim by the hand. "In the bedroom."

'Tim's eyes went so wide the whites showed all around. He had dreamed of this for longer than he could remember but he had never dared to hope it could come true.

'"Do you mean it?" he gasped.

'"Sure I do," Dick laughed. "We love each other, right?"

'Tim felt hot all over and so happy he wanted to explode. He leaned in to kiss Dick and...'

.....aaand then it all starts moving towards a situation I'm not narrating for the minors in the audience. But if I was to wrap this up in one mime:

[She lifts her hands to make a gesture with the hand puppets that is, well....put your palm on the back of your other hand and vigourously rub it up and down. Now imagine your hands are representing two men. That's what's happening here. She also adds in a squeaky puppet-y voice:]

Sorry Tim, I'd give you a reacharound but my arms are too short, also I don't have any fingers

[Ahem.]

Oh-kay guys, anyone doing Bobbi's Bingo can tick off: 'Awfully Adverbs', 'Just Say 'Said'', 'Retconned Virginity', 'Teenagers Are Eight Year Old Girls' and....take it from me, 'Anatomy Doesn't Work That Way' and 'I Got 'The Talk' From Internet Porn' are both gimmes. If that's a bingo for anybody, swing by my trailer for your prize. Later!

[She makes both puppets wave goodbye and then leans over to turn off her communicator.]

[OOC: Replies to come from underemployed]

Comments

[batmanschmatman]

I'm sorry, I guess I missed the memo where we all look for pornographic fanfiction and read it aloud with the group as a bonding exercise.

[buywithme]

You have been here way too long to have missed that memo. That's on you, not on her.

[batmanschmatman]

Maybe I'm just not interested in hearing what the fans come up with.

[buywithme]

Should have stuck to doing amateur nights in that case.

[batmanschmatman]

Maybe I should just go back to the Traitors franchise. At least the fanfic stays away from incest.

[underemployed]

Soooo you do look for pornographic fanfiction.

[batmanschmatman]

More like googling your character name was a dangerous mistake I'll never make again.

[underemployed]

Oh no, I would say you've undertaken meticulous research to rule out an entire subcategory with that much confidence.

[batmanschmatman]

Well, Scott O'Donnell doesn't have any siblings. Maybe I'm just making assumptions.

[buywithme]

Hey, you made the decision to elbow in on your brother's hit show. As far as I'm concerned you should have done your homework if you didn't want people writing fic about you.

[batmanschmatman]

Elbow in? The producers contacted me about the part.

[buywithme]

Whatever, the point is, the fandom and their kooky tastes predate you, they've been pulling this shit since episode one, and honestly a little bit of google-fu would have enlightened you to this before you took the role.

You failed to fu. You took the role, and you're on one of the biggest shows out there right now. Suck it up.

[batmanschmatman]

Maybe I just didn't want to know what the creepy fanbase was doing with my little brother's character.

And this isn't my first ever encounter with the fanfiction. I just like pretending it doesn't exist, and don't appreciate it getting rubbed in my face over the network. You're pretty big on the assumptions today.

[underemployed]

Wow, it's almost like your comm doesn't have a 'stop' button or a scroll function or wait no it totally has both those things.

If you want it rubbing in your face, I'll grab a printout and bring the puppets and we can make a night of it.

[batmanschmatman]

That would be great. We can go over their next sparring scene together while we're at it.

[buywithme]

Rubbing it in your face would be walking around after you reading it, or pinning it up in your dressing room, or... I don't know, doing anything at all to single you out as her audience.

If you found it so disgusting then you could have switched off at any time. Pulling this ridiculous victim shit because someone read your fanfic just makes you look like a huge baby.

[batmanschmatman]

You do realize that is something she does, right?

But whatever, I guess I'm just a huge baby. Who still gets more lines than you.

[buywithme]

Then you should know the difference.

Oh, you get more lines than me? Well that changes everything, you are totally a mature adult now, congratulations. Ask the writers nicely and they might make you a little hat to commemorate the occasion.

[batmanschmatman]

And I'll look great in it.

[buywithme]

"Oh Dick, that hat makes you look so handsome..." Said Tim, as his eyes misted over with love--

[And nope, he's lost the battle. Lolling now. Lolling and lolling and lolling.]

[batmanschmatman]

You're all psychopaths.

[buywithme]

[Still lolling]

This is what you get for looking good in hats!

[batmanschmatman]

I look good in everything.

[buywithme]

"Oh Dick, that cardboard box you've crafted into a robot costume makes you look so handsome..." Said Tim, as his eyes misted over with love...

You're doomed.