89 - Voice

[gotgreenmagic]

[Intended to be private to Kirk, but is of course completely public. TYVM BARGE.]

[This is posted in the early hours of the morning - four or five AM. Shego's voice is hoarse and whispery - she sounds completely unlike herself. And she's freaking out a bit. A lot.]

I. You. You need to -

- I don't know, I know there isn't anything, I -

- you need to do something. Help me - kill me - I don't care, I am not doing this again, I can't, I won't -

[There's a screech of static and the line cuts out.]

[OOC: What's going on here? She's suffering two death tolls at once - being decapitated by Buffy, and the horrible uber-Death Toll suffered by those who ventured into the engine room during the Dead In The Water event last year. Which was so bad that she pretty much committed suicide-by-Joker for the sake of a hard reset. It didn't work. I....needed to break out the big guns to get through her foot-thick layer of apathy. :V

Edit: As of a couple of days after this has been posted, it and all replies to it have been retroactively made private.  People who replied to it can still see it, but nobody else.]

Comments

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"I don't know."

Things felt a bit less abstractly terrifying than they had immediately after she'd woken up, but she wasn't sure that was the same as 'better'.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"You're not dying, so you can count that idea out. And it would also make what you're feeling worse."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"I know. I know. I told you I can't - I can't be that crazy again. I'm not letting myself off the rails like that." But when she laughed it sounded kind of unhinged. "I told the whole Barge that."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"Shiity but either the people who heard it care about you and want to help or they're so wrapped up in their own shit to give it a second thought."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"I get that. I just - I hate being that person. I don't want to need help."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"Do you want me to leave then?"

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

She just shrugged. It was literally the closest thing she had to an actual preference.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Jim was taking that as a no, because she didn't actually tell him to leave and even if she had, he probably would've ignored her. "You wanna go crawl into bed and wallow for a while?"

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"No. I don't want to risk falling asleep."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"Okay. We can hang out for a while. Though I'm going to demand breakfast at some point."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"That's fair."

The light on the horizon was brighter, the sun - the illusion of the sun, she supposed - close to rising.

"What d'you think it is? All this. Besides just, like, what happens before Halloween."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"Something really awful. Like the demons the last time, or that time the Master took over the Barge." He hadn't been there for it but he'd heard about it. "Especially if we're feeling death tolls again."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"I guess. At least the demon stuff was kind of -- avoidable." She ducked her head. "I can't do this for another two weeks, Jim."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"I did offer to smuggle you to Enterprise." Jim moved to put an arm around her shoulders and give her a light hug. "We're gonna get past this, Shego. You wanna stay with me for the rest of it? We're past the point of keeping up appearances."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

She leant into him but gave him a weird sideways glance anyway. "What, for ease of waking you up at three AM while screaming and hallucinating? I am so failing to see what you get out of this."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"While I would appreciate it if you didn't wander off after waking me up so early ever again, if you think it'll help even a little bit, then I'm happy to do it."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

She frowned.

"Yeah, okay."

And she'd been working so hard on preserving her dignity lately. So much for that.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Let's be realistic, dignity isn't something that's a part of her relationship with Kirk.

"Okay. After breakfast then."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"Okay. Kitchen won't be open yet, though." Shego got to her feet unsteadily. She'd slept for maybe three hours the previous night; it turned out that phaser-induced unconsciousness didn't really count.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Jim stood up after her, offering her a hand to grab onto if she got too unstable. "We can go take a nap or something first if you want."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

She scowled in his general direction, ignoring the hand even though she kinda needed it.

"Kirk, I'm not sleeping until the Death Toll passes. If that's a week, then it's a week. Just...make your peace with that now."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Jim scowled at her for that, because not sleeping would just make it worse he figured, if you discounted any nightmares but he supposed that he wouldn't drug her to force her to sleep.

"Fine. But I'm not apologizing if you do fall asleep and I didn't wake you up."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"Deal." She straightened and swayed alarmingly for a moment before finding her balance.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"Am I allowed to keep you from falling over?"

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"No, I'm good." Ask again in a few days. She shoved her hands in her pockets and started heading back towards the CES entrance.