[Video for those who can receive it, voice/written for everyone else. She's back in the supervillain suit, because Kirk said a while ago he didn't like it aaaand she's hating on Kirk right now.]

Ahem.

Dear Confused Tourists:

Shut down your laptop, put away your cellphone, close your diary, dismantle the ouija board, quit inspecting your cave paintings.  Go outside, buy an ice cream, try to get a life, I don't care - just stop doing whatever it is you're doing that's crossing your wires with the Barge network. We reached dangerous levels of big-mouthed moron saturation a loooong time ago without inviting visitors.

Okay? Being in interdimensional space jail for any reason is not a spectator sport, kids. Go find your own circle of Hell, this one's full.

So I don't wanna jinx it or anything, but is it over?  Have you gotten that out of your collective system, guys?

It's not like the Barge/Admiral/whatever doesn't throw enough garbage at us already.  I know that maybe 60% of the local population is psychiatrically unstable but there is absolutely no need to go all-out and make it worse for kicks,

[Private to Mozenrath]

Are you still alive?  Say something.  Barge isn't the same without your extra-special brand of girly whining.

You'd think the Admiral would make a pamphlet or something for the new inmates. 'So YOU'VE been sentenced to eternity in an interdimensional space jail'. I don't know. 'Welcome to the Barge, you're dead, you'd think things couldn't get any worse than that but they can and here's how!'

Maybe an instructional video. Or something more low-tech like a series of wood carvings or whatever for the pre-electricity crowd. Just saying, it'd save a lot of time, effort and irritation every time a new kid washes up here.

And an extra-special note for the new kids: I'm Shego. We probably won't have a whole lot to say to each other. Stay out of my way.

[Filtered to Security and infirmary staff, also visible to Cap'n Kirk]

Hey. There's an unconscious guy on Level 5 who needs dealing with. Wallace something? Pretty sure he's got a broken rib or two. Jerk tried to slice me open with a broken mirror, so excuse me for leaving him where he is.

[Private to Rayne]

Got any band-aids in your room? There's more than my pride bruised here and I figure the infirmary's kinda busy.

[OOC: Follows from this log, which isn't finished yet but the upshot is that Shego....uh, beats the tar out of Nathan and dumps his ass in a corridor. She's considerate that way.]

The omni-jerk's seriously gone?

The one time something actually worth celebrating happens and I have to do it sober. Great.

[pause]

Ugh.  It's been two weeks of nothing.  Can we just have the next port or flood or disaster already and get it over with?  I'd say the suspense was killing me if I wasn't dead already.

Hey. So-called evil genuises. How's about a few basic rules?

1. No mind control.
2. No hive minds.
3. No clones. Wait. No genetic experiments of any kind.
4. No mystical whatever.  Especially if it's something you have to dig up from a dead culture.  It's dead for a reason, guys.
5. No robots.
6. No apocalyptic tech dork stuff.
7. Actually? Nothing with an 'off' switch.

And you know the handful of dorks and/or plucky save-the-world types who are inevitably going to ruin your day? Try to neutralise them before you execute your evil plan.

This is pretty elementary stuff, y'know.

[Private to McCoy]

So, Jimmy says you'll stab me if I don't show up at the ward. Should I be worried about you or him?

[Strikes are unreadable; also, her previous entry has been filtered to only those who commented on it initially.]

JUST KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY, FOR THE LOVE OF

So. Nice day, huh? The sun's nonexistent and the sky is...kinda black and depressing.

...seriously, how is it that nobody here dies of chronic Vitamin D deficiency? Vampires excepted, which is a phrase I never thought I'd use. Does the Admiral pump it through the ventilation shafts or something?

[Private to self]

Ugh, I really like it better when the bad stuff goes down and it's my fault. Which I guess it kinda was?

[To JD]

[No message, but you'll find a copy of Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho from the library left anonymously outside your door.  Responsible choice, no?]

[Private to Ethan]

Your diagrams? Amusing and instructive. This heap needs more people like you.

[Private to Kirk]

Where are you? I've been at your door like five times and nothing.

( [Private to Mozenrath] )

It's been a week and I'm stir crazy already. At least in other jails I could blast a hole in the wall if I wanted some fresh air.

Is there anything to do here other than play dorky board games? Anywhere to go? And don't even talk to me about the gym, I'm in there like five hours a day as it is.

[Private to the Master]

So what is this TARDIS thing anyways?