Shego

This is the roleplay account for Shego at lastvoyages, aaand this is her HMD and permissions post. Any questions, comments or constructive criticism, please leave it here. Anon is not enabled; replies are screened.

( Permissions Form )

[Video; the communicator's propped on a table or shelf to show Shego sprawled back across a (green) couch, fully suited up, elbows hooked over the backrest.]

O-kay. From your perspective I've been gone for like…eight, nine months? Given the turnover the last time I was here, I'm gonna guess that means as many people have no idea who I am as those who do.

Here goes: I'm Shego. I was an Inmate, then I was a Warden, graduated an Inmate, blah blah blah, for reasons too dumb to report I'm back to do it over. [She takes the glove off one hand and wiggles her fingers.] To answer some previous FAQs, I am not: an Orion, radioactive, suffering from leprosy, in any way contagious, or related-to-slash-associated-with the redhead with the plant schtick. I'm just - green. Do not attempt to adjust your set.

So if you got here any time after September of last year, I don't know who you are.  [Beat.]  Actually, if you got here any time before September of last year, even odds I don't know who you are either. Go ahead and fill me in anyway.

...And I guess a rundown on recent catastrophes would be useful just so I know what everybody's whining about this week.

[Friends Filter]

Sound off.

Oh, and Arthas, just to preempt your 'I told you so': you're totally right. I couldn't leave. I tried to go home, but every time I went to sleep at night I just saw your big, scowling, mottled face and I just had to come back and see it again.  Must be love, right?

[Warden-Bat-Filter]

[That is exactly what she wrote. You can decide if your character qualifies.]

Having some trouble tracking down Dick Grayson and Tim Drake. I'm thinking they've both gone, but - circumstances? Help a girl out here.

[Engine room filter]

Hey. I have no idea who's on this filter anymore and if the place is staffed then I'm gonna stay well out of it, but just so you guys know - I spent like two years working the engine room. I know my way around. Next time we crash into a hostile planet, beep me.

[Shego's sitting on a couch in her cabin. She looks...kind of blank, but not indecisive.]

Okay, kids.  I hate to do this while there's a flood on and everything, but as far as I can tell we're all in our right minds and we all know there's no such thing as the 'right moment' on the Barge. So.

It's been three years and one week, and...I'm done here. Leaving tonight. Time to move on.

[She hesitates and taps her fingers on her knee like maybe there's more to say, but there isn't, and eventually she just reaches towards the camera to change filters.]

[Friends Filter]

Well, it's been totally hellish, but....thanks. For everything.

Honestly, I'm hoping I don't come back, because if I do it means it's really hit the fan, but leave a line open for me the next time you get one of those crossed signal days. I'll check in whenever the Admiral's crappy wiring lets me. 

[Filtered to Dick and Tim]

I'm not going back to Gotham. I will really miss both of you, but...picking up the vigilante thing again feels too much like going backwards. Same temptations, higher stakes, y'know? And...as much as I hate this ship specifically, it's made it hard to be okay with spending the rest of my life in one place. I don't feel attached to anywhere like you guys do, and I've already wasted enough of my life setting my sights too low.

Say hi to Cissie for me the next time you get a chance, okay?  Tell her I'm sorry.

[Private to Prefect]

You...

Tell me you'll be okay, Prefect.

[Those who know Shego well will know that she's speaking with the artificially calm tone she uses when her other option is to yell and smash things, well-adjusted individual that she is.]

Kirk's in Zero. I've taken his Item.

He's here for five days and he's agreed to do three weeks' custodial duty.

[Private to Dick]

Check in on him? I -

[Long pause.]

Zero hasn't historically been the safest place ever, is all.

( Open Spam - Gym )

[OOC: This does not mark the end of the port! There'll be an Admiral announcement in an hour or so.]

[Backdated to a few hours after the end of port. Shego stumbled back on board after four days of almost no sleep and not much food and was not braced for a serious business talk with the Admiral at all. When she talks she sounds exhausted and...not stunned exactly, but very '.....that was something I wasn't expecting to happen today'.]

So, uh.

Regina graduated?

You should probably go tell her well done because I sure as heck didn't contribute all that much.

[OOC: Any responses from anyone except Regina will get a reply 12-14 hours later because she needed to put on some band-aids and get some sleep. :c]

And that's why I only use the Internet for clothes shopping.

Wish I'd been able to keep the puppets, though.

[She clicks off, then back on.]

....not for what she was doing with them, because.....gross.

Relatedly, if she ticked anybody off then I'm sorry, but not the kind of 'sorry' that admits culpability because her being a creepy nerd had less than nothing to do with me.

[Shego's looking as neat and cheery as ever - but there's a folded Kleenex sticking out of her shirt pocket and even while she's smiling her eyes are red-rimmed and sad.]

Hi, everybody! I thought it'd be a good idea to let everyone know that Regina's in one of those darned comas again. Honestly, I don't know how the Admiral expects her to get out of here if she can't even stay awake five minutes! Anyway, I've taken her to the Infirmary so she'll be looked after 'til it's over, and I'm going to visit her as much as I can, so don't any of her friends worry.

Otherwise, I...guess I'm going to try and be around a little bit more over the next few days. You all know Cissie left, and...she was like a little sister to me. I never had a little sister before, and I couldn't ask for a better one - I'm just so happy for her. She helped Isaac graduate and she's got her life together and she's got a plan and that's great. I know she's gonna do great things.

[Her smile fades a little.]  But I'm still gonna miss her a lot. I'm pretty down right now. But! it never helped anybody to just sit around sulking and let it fester, right? So I'll be around. If anybody needs any extra training in the gym or wants to go hiking in the CES or - you know, anything. I'm here.

[OOC: Obviously, Shego is affected! Long-termers will remember that she used to be unfriendly and asocial - but never sarcastic and embittered - but over time, making friends and coming out of her shell, she learnt the ~power of friendship~ and subsequently graduated. She's now a sweet, sincere person who will nonetheless kick your ass with a smile if you're disturbing the peace.]

[Hello, Barge. Have a uninformative shot of Shego's room and a voice from somewhere off-camera. He talks like a lot of the words should be in bold and sounds completely, ridiculously earnest.]

Good morning, people of the Barge! I am --

[He somehow realizes he's pointing the communicator the wrong way and the shot blurs as he spins it around. Hego is inexplicably wearing his blue and black costume plus mask even though he showed up in his PJs. Don't ask. Disney superhero physics. He clears his throat and offers his best heroic smile.]

Good morning! I am Hego of Team Go, guardians and protectors of Go City. I'm here on behalf of Shego, my sister and former fellow hero even though she doesn't like to hear about it all that much.

I'd like to speak with her Warden, if he or she happens to be around? I know my sister can be little bit prickly, and sarcastic, and mean, and likes breaking things and kinda makes it hard for people to like her - but I know she's still got the heart of a hero. And I think it's just swell what you people are doing for her and other people in the same boat. [Pun intended.]

In the meantime, if there's anything a fella can do to keep this place shipshape, don't hesitate to ask. I'm here to serve.

[OOC: Replies will come from hardhitting!]

Thanks, Admiral. Best week ever.

Regina? We should talk.

( Spam for Kirk, the night before this post goes up )

[OOC: Gah sorry for the Shego spam lately. THINGS KEEP HAPPENING.]

[Posted sometime after the Barge/port communications blackout ends; the first voice is not Shego's but a professional, falsely cheerful tone.]

Good afternoon! This is a recorded message from Geneco's Accounts Receivable department. You are now eighty-eight days delinquent in paying outstanding debts of nineteen thousand, three hundred and sixty dollars for your heart transplant and pigmentation therapy.

We request that you or a representative visits any of one GeneCo's conveniently located clinics or surgical centres in order to deliver your payment. Please be aware that if this matter has not been settled within the next forty-eight hours, you will become subject to organ repossession as stated in Section 38b of your contract.

Thank you for choosing GeneCo! Remember: it's what's on the inside that counts.

[There's a long silence, and then - well, anyone who knows Shego at all will know she doesn't drop the F-bomb unless there's something pretty monumental going on.]

What. The fuck.

[Shego's pointing the communicator away from her, doing a slow sweeping shot of the new pool room above decks.]

Has anybody else been up here? It's gotten kinda fancy since we came back, I guess the Admiral found some extra omnipotence in his other pants and renovated. Not that this is necessarily a good thing - gives with one hand, punches you in the jaw with the other, we all get how the Barge works.

[She sets it down next to her, the shot briefly blurring past her as she moves the communicator - eagle eyes will note Shego is a) wearing a swimsuit and b) sporting a black eye and several defensive bruises on her forearms.]

Oh, and the greenhouse looked a little bit more...I dunno, architectural?  So if you're into plants I guess it's your lucky day or whatever.

[Private to Mozenrath]

Thanks for the other night. I had fun.

[Private to Kirk]

[There's a long silence and then she just makes a noise and turns off the communicator.]

[Hello, Barge. The view behind Shego is no longer of her mountain lair quarters, but a generously proportioned apartment with floor-to-ceiling windows and the sort of classy, minimalist furnishings of someone who doesn't plan on spending much time at home. She doesn't really look older, but people who know her well will know that she looks more centered and in better shape than she's ever really been on the Barge.]

Hey, kids. Went home, came back, gonna be a Warden now blah blah blah you all know how this works already.

I would offer some insight on the [fingerquotin' time] 'rehabilitation' process but either you're smart enough not to need it, or you're dumb enough to think that me graduating means I've 'betrayed' something or abandoned my principles or whatever, in which case you won't listen to me anyways.

Soooo. What'd I miss? I heard there were...fairies?...aaand I'm guessing from the mistletoe and the foot of snow on deck that it's December now. Anything else?

[Friends Filter]

I've been away for around three months, but I'm gathering I was Barge-absent for a week-ish. Everyone okay, anything happen to anybody, make out with your worst enemies yet?

[Private to Tim]

Hey. Got that five bucks I owe you. And a souvenir from home.

[Private to Bones]

Need to make an appointment, besides which I think we need to talk anyways.

Soooo, this always happens. There's some disaster, then there's a block of nothing, then somebody says they're bored and some morons jump down their throat for tempting fate and then the next disaster rolls in totally regardless of who said what.

It's been almost a week, and you know what? I'm gonna be that somebody. I'm bored. So when the next flood rolls around, if you're the kind of person who hates the concept of randomness so much that they'll abandon basic common sense so they can pin it on somebody? Feel free to blame me.

[Private to Kirk]

Oh, and since you have a totally intrusive interest in my health? The bites are healing just fine.

[Private to Tim]

You've been quiet. Make it out okay?

[Private to Cissie]

Let's do something.

Awesome as this is, I hope everybody's braced for the Barge to suck even worse when we get back on board.

[Private to Mozenrath]

Hey. Can you get away from your Warden tonight?

[Private to Cissie]

Have a proposition for you. Can you get a few hours free tomorrow? I know your Inmate isn't exactly the kitten-eating type.

Soooo...nobody's getting laid and nobody likes each other all that much.

Gee. It's almost like we're in jail or something.

...

And before you come to tell me it isn't nobody, let me redirect you to the library so you can go look up what 'hyperbole' means.

Seriously, everyone who went ahead and bared their darkest secrets or whatever and hates that they did it? For what it's worth, I think the general population cares way less than you might think they do. Anybody who's been around longer than two months should really know better than to feel at all attached to their privacy anyway.

[Private to Kirk]

Admiral gave me your file.

...there's literally nothing in here I didn't know already.

[This was going to be Inmate filtered and then she realised she didn't care.]

I'll be in the gym most of today if anybody wants to fight. Spar. Whatever.

[She means fight.  Go unhealthy coping mechanisms!]

[Private to Prefect]

Drink?

[Private to Mozenrath]

Hey.

Could I possibly get a reality check over here?

So Cute-Perky-and-Russian has gotten her crazy face on. Big freaking deal. Nobody's actually died, right?  I was wrong, apparently somebody did. I'd say my face was red, but, y'know.

Best case scenario, we all get a few bruises, tomorrow or next week or whenever she realizes what a total drama queen she's being and cools off. Normal service resumes. Worst case scenario, a few other people have to take a week off work for whatever reason. It sucks, then you get over it, then in a month there's some other disaster and nobody cares that this ever happened.

Other worst case scenario, the Barge crash-lands. Yeah, like we've never seen that before. Last time that happened it set back our schedule by, what, a week? Less? Like we're even in a hurry to get anywhere.

Also, you guys do know that the Admiral caps off powers that could accidentally wreck the Barge, right? Including Wardens? [She's mostly thinking about Bruce Banner here.] We're never gonna end up....I dunno, floating through interdimensional space, clinging to whatever scorched furniture we can keep hold of. We have way better insurance against Acts Of Blonde than Moscow.

Nothing unique or special is happening here. Just try to avoid sharp edges for the next few days and it'll blow over. Eesh.

[She sets her communicator down and returns to what she's doing, i.e. painting her nails with black polish.]

Well, that easily made my top five 'dumbest floods ever' and I've been here nearly two years.

If you're new, woo hoo. Either you're dead and you're stuck here, or you're alive and you've just made a really stupid decision. Welcome to the Barge.

[Private to Kirk]

In the spirit of your stupid honesty rule, I punched Mozenrath and in the circumstances, I'm not sorry - I was affected, anyway, so it wasn't really me. On a directly relevant note, do you have any particularly strong future space liquor?

[Private to Mozenrath]

I hope I didn't actually fracture anything, but I'm not apologizing. Let's just draw a curtain over the last couple days and get on with our lives.

[Private to Tim]

If anybody besides Kirk asks, I wasn't affected.

[Friends Filter ]

[You know who you are! Affected people will be able to see this too, besides Kirk and Drake Snrs who she's had the sense to strike off.]

If you know who I am without having to read your kid's journal like a creep, please sound off before I go crazy.

[...]

And if you are here for Near-Uniformly Terrible Parenting 101, I advise that you not talk to me.

I must be wasted.

Dr. D? You out there? If you can hear this, don't adjust your set, it's me. [Long pause.]  Wego?

[And then there's an ear-assaulting hiss.]

---ignorina? Ah, the Pavi remembers! You are the dottore's green friend -

[Hiss.]

What the - Faceless, uncross your wires and get off my communicator!  Ugh.  I feel dirty by association.

[Static and a thoughtful pause.]

Bella, even at this very great distance there is much that I could do to make you--

[There is a noise which suggests she's turned off her communicator by slamming it hard against the nearest solid object.]

[OOC: lolol apologies for....everything, but I knew a couple of people wanted a piece of Pavi so I thought it'd be better to have a post to hang those comments off of. Also, Shego hates you fourth-walling douchebags, so please BOTHER HER.  All my other characters are kind of.....hiding from this event.]

[Private to Bruce Wayne]

Hey. Tim says you want to meet me, and I've decided I'd rather we name a time and place than have this hanging over my head for the next however long.

....unless you've got the slowly spreading 'crazy Warden' disease, in which case it can wait until you've had your shots.